“Words Matter”
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has” – Margaret Mead.
Throughout history, leaders of all kinds have woven simple words into captivating tapestries meant to cause change. Only an unforgettable few have succeeded. What is the common thread which appears in many classic speeches which are still famous today? Is it the grace and confidence with which well-chosen words are spoken? Is it the poetic phrases these charismatic orators have coined, both sensible and easy to remember, long after the speech itself has been forgotten? Have not countless public figures possessed these qualities? What combination of elements evolve into entreaties that remain imprinted on our mind forever?
Dale Carnegie wrote the brilliant and popular classic, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. Within these pages Carnegie expounds upon the numerous ways both laymen and leaders make positive and lasting impressions on others. The most essential of these ways is effective demonstration. For instance, explaining how the other person benefits directly from your goal. Needless to say, deception is not a respectable motive for this technique. The general assumption is that one is attempting to bring about something good and useful with a positive outcome for all. Having perused numerous historical speeches and articles about famous American leaders, I have found Carnegie’s principles at work in each and every one of them. On the last page of his book, Carnegie leaves us with a list entitled “Be a Leader”. Each of the preceding nine chapters is then summarized in a sentence or two, for convenient reference. It is this list of nine powerful principles that portray words which move worlds, both yesterday and today.
PRINCIPLE 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation. On March 23, 1775 a delegate named Patrick Henry wished to urge his fellow Americans to prepare for war against Britain, an opinion that was not shared by others at the Second Virginia Convention. They spoke meekly of peace and reconciliation, and Henry felt this lethargy to take action would cost America dearly. Henry launched into a zealous speech which would long be remembered for impassioned arguments and closing words: “Give me liberty, or give me death!” Despite the aggressive conclusion his very first sentence was wisely cordial: “No man thinks more highly than I do of the patriotism, as well as the abilities, of the very worthy gentlemen who have just addressed the House.” Similarly, on December 23, 1776 Thomas Paine opened his address using the same principle praise and honest appreciation. He began with: “These are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.”
PRINCIPLE 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. John F. Kennedy, in his inaugural address on January 20, 1961 appeals to the American people. He compels them towards solidarity using an allusion to the absence of it. “United, there is little we cannot do in a host of cooperative ventures. Divided, there is little we can do – for we dare not meet a powerful challenge at odds and split asunder.” How many nations, alas, have faded into oblivion by this very error? As an astute “anonymous” has said, “The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth of it”
PRINCIPLE 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing another person. Abraham Lincoln lamented: “It has been my experience that folks who have no vices, have few virtues.” I must emphasize that greatness with humility has been prevalent amongst many Jewish leaders throughout our history. Their desire to guide and teach others is not only matched but surpassed by their deep desire to improve themselves, first and foremost. Rav Simcha Zissel Ziv was known to have mastered patience. He once told a colleague, “When you rebuke a student once or twice, and he still does not change his ways, the third time you will probably get angry. However, at that moment, you should ask yourself, ‘Why are you angry at your student? Have you yourself succeeded in fixing your [spiritual] deficiencies after two or three times?’ On the contrary you will see [that you still have much to fix], so why get angry?” As Thomas Carlyle states, “The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none.”
PRINCIPLE 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. President Lyndon B. Johnson, in his speech to Congress on March 15, 1965 requests full rights for every American Negro. Decrying conquest and prosperity which excludes equality for all, he poses this question “for with a country, as with a person, what is a man profited if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?’” Later on, in his speech, he includes other oppressed citizens as well, “For Negroes are not the only victims. How many white children have gone uneducated? How many white families have lived in stark poverty? How many white lives have been scarred by fear, because we wasted energy and our substance to maintain the barriers of hatred and terror?” And in his conclusion, he asks another poignant question: “Beyond this great chamber – out yonder – in 50 states, are the people that we serve. Who can tell what deep and unspoken hopes are in their hearts tonight as they sit there and listen?”
PRINCIPLE 5: Let the other person save face. How much simpler this is in theory than in practice, yet this advice is crucial because by doing so the other party sustains need to defend himself and become hostile. While appealing to Mr. Gorbachev at the Brandenburg Gate in 1987, President Ronald Reagan implores him to: “Open this gate ... tear down this wall!” Following this he states with empathy – “I understand the fear of war, and the pain of diversion that afflict this continent, and I pledge to you my county’s efforts to help overcome these burdens.”
PRINCIPLE 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be, “hearty in your approbation, and lavish in your praise.” In a concise yet powerful manual entitled “Successful Leadership Skills” authored by Ken Lawson M.A., Ed.M. the above principle is strongly supported. A chapter called “Enabling Others to Act” has a list of pointers, one advising leaders to “articulate your confidence in the individuals involved… tells them why this is going to work… expressing your confidence that this will happen and is happening is empowering for the individuals concerned.” Lyndon B. Johnson employs this highly effective approach throughout his appeal.” I will welcome the suggestions from all the members of congress – I have no doubt that I will get some – on ways and means to strengthen this law and to make it effective. I have not the slightest doubt what will be your answer. Because it’s not just Negroes, but really, it’s all of us, who must overcome the crippling legacy of bigotry and injustice. And we shall overcome.” Johnson then concludes with: “I cannot help but believe that he [G-d] truly understands, and that he favors the undertaking that we begin here tonight”.
PRINCIPLE 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Harriet Beecher Stowe in her concluding remarks ascribes noble compassion to her female readers: “And you, mothers of America – you who have learned, by the cradles of your own children, to love and fear for all mankind – by the sacred love you bear your child… I beseech you; pity the mother who has all your affections… pity those mothers that are constantly made childless by the American slave trade!” Stowe entreats the feminine heart (which she attributes to them) to rise to the challenge of protecting other loving mothers, like themselves.
PRINCIPLE 8: Use encouragement. Make the fault seam easy to correct. There is a rather odd account of a fisherman and his wife by The Brothers Grimm. A hapless fisherman keeps begging his impossibly insatiable wife to heed the voice of reason, but to no avail. Her obstinacy overrides his frail attempts at logic, each and every time. Perhaps, had he employed enthusiastic cajoling, rather than whimpering despair in his attempts to cure her at her folly, the story might have ended happily. How sad that Dale Carnegie and Ken Lawson weren’t called upon to coach the poor chap through his traumatic experience.
PRINCIPLE 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. Even corporate workers need incentives. In the book Successful Leadership Skills, Lawson lists the many “components of a satisfying job” (pg. 211) among those listed were these: It seems meaningful and worth doing, there is frequent and adequate feedback about effectiveness and performance. It allows sufficient freedom to make decisions. I return to several of the historical archived speeches referred to earlier, for further examples of this extremely relevant principle. Patrick Henry (1775): “We shall not fight our battles alone. There is just G-d who presides… and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us?” Effect: Which loyal citizen “worth his salt” cowers fearfully when a higher power is leading the way? Thomas Paine (1776): “… The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. “Effect: Come on, men! Real men! Step up to the challenge, and we’ll celebrate our victories together when it’s over. John F. Kennedy (1961): “Let the word go forth, from this time and this place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans, born in this century… unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of… human rights… and to which we are committed, at home and around the world.“ Effect: What an awesome responsibility we have, and see how we are raising to the challenge! As Adlai Stevenson said regarding First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt’s sterling example to all: “… She would rather light candles than cause the darkness… and her glow… warmed the world. “Twenty-six letters of an alphabet. Billions of words, creating both vast empires and devastating ruins, by their mere combinations. Yes, words move worlds. Be mindful of your role!
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